30. caption this

My weirdest, most out of context instagram photo captions:

• "I feel like young Bella could beat current Bella in a fight"
• "(in the voice of the mom from Everybody Hates Chris) - i don't need this i've got two jobs"
• "chicken permission"
• "beat rat"
• "albeit"
• "never forgetti"
• "scoop the boop into the cup with scoobert doobert doo"
• "to quote Mike Wazowski, that guy!"
• "all 87 of Chris Pratt's brothers work here"
• "what are your last two google searches? mine are "Mr Sir from holes" and "bite bite sip sip song lyrics"
• "good things? in MY me?"
• "you will never ever get a chicken in your whole entire life"
• "dad?"
• "today i was a good StupidStar"
• "banging (?) BUMPIN neutral milk hotel"
• "so are frockets on the left side of shirts so that if you have something thick in it you won't die if you're shot"
• "baklava"
• "'Would you rather scream whenever you pee, or every time you shower, your belly button gets spicy' - @malibu.darby"
• "this hot chocolate scolded my milk!!"
• "The Great British Baking Show is so cute and colorful compared to the american cooking shows that are all like hell fire and lots of yelling and stress"
• "IT'S THE REMIX TO IGNITION HOT AND FRESH OUT THE KITCHEN"
• "do you guys like cilantro?"
• "okay I am now 100% sure the school's basement is haunted"
• "'dead squirrels are the best kind of squirrels' -Mr Healey"
• "I get stronger as a person every production meeting I go to"
• "yo listen up got a holla from Ron"
• "I think this was in one of the Carolinas"
• "The guy with a megaphone sitting outside of the Supreme Court building just said 'I didn't say 'deez nuts', I said jesus!' truly inspirational words"
• "SKAtt Rudes, SKAtt Tatum, SKAren Cogdill, or SKArlos Castillo"
• "calm spaghetti"
• "I ❤️ mudslide crush"
• "when he's cute but he's hydra"
• "hey does anybody have a hoe I can borrow (the garden kind)"
• "ok but chicken nuggets are so good"
• "Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. here comes the 'broom', he's in the dressing room. why is he there, he lost his 'underwere'"
• "#currentlituation"
• "made in georgia"
• "'don't go chasing...' 'miracles!!'"
• "come they told me Barack Obama, 
  a newborn King to see Barack Obama,
  our finest gifts we bring Barack Obama, Rack Obama, Rack Obama"
• "all I want for Christmas... is foooooooood (food baby)"
• "he's making a list, of chicken and rice, gunna find out who's naughty or nice"
• "a weasel is wild"
• "I almost died trying to do the stanky leg on roller skates today"
• "Clues For Mister Charlie:
  old bill is actually lil' pisser
  Lyle and Parnell get together 
  so do Jo and Willa Mae"
• "IT'S MIDDLE SCHOOL DAY!!!@!$&!!!"
• "is there a sexuality where I'm only attracted to food"
• "don't be feeding me those lies I know you have chicken nuggets back there"
• "no ma'am"
• "as ready as I'll ever be 
  I guess"
• "I didn't even need physics to know a vector is a mathematical term, represented by an arrow with both direction and magnitude"
• "turn down the what"
• "isik"
• "apparently when I find cash in random jean pockets, beverly hills by weezer automatically plays in my head while I dance"
• "coast to coaster"
• "who the frick frack diddily dack paddy whack lumberjack Big Mac tic tac piggy back flapjack race track six pack yippy yack is Bucky"
• "please be my friend"
• "the hills are alive with radiation"
• "important update: dogs are great"
• "I wanna try hammer ballet"
• "not mice, but ducks"
• "Mandy is pleased."
• "I'm ready for a dance battle ASAP"
• "erasers feel really nice"
• "I think it's time for me to tell all of you guys my secret. it has been hard for me to get around to telling y'all because all I want to do is be accepted and treated like anyone else. for many years I have been on this planet acting and behaving the way all you humans do. but it was revealed during class today that in fact I was not born here on earth. i am an alien, and I am proud. #alienrights"
• "i pray to the Princeton Review every night"
• "toothpaste"
• "I dunno if I can keep this up"
• "wherever you go, there you are."
• "the highway man came riding (riding, riding)"
• "so apparently my captions never make sense"
• "everybody ate chris"
• "galveston 1999" -(from a picture taken in 2010)
• "agatha is such a mess"
• "I hope we're still friends after I taser you"
• "oh, our hands touched"
• "My mom stopped at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green. 
  We need some sleep."
• "If Santa didn't visit you because you were naughty, don't worry, there's always Sump'n Claus"
• "*cough cough*"
• "Grandma's definitely not making chowder"
• "My hobbies include making a load of people sniff a box of sweet dreams"
• "I can taste a lot of blood rn is that bad"
• "leggo my eggo"
• "I really need a pair of cruggs"
• "don't tap dance with spiders"
• "marijuana? mari(dont)juana #upwithhopedownwithdope"
• "what did we do? burn a few heretics? sell some indulgences?"
• "I know you are a dog... but that won't matter with a little bit of barbecue sauce"
• "you fight good"?? c'mon Shang, learn your grammar."
• "112 ounces of chocolate puddin and crazy cheese please"
• "don't date demons and also DON'T TRUST MIRRORS"
• "Julia sits on a throne of Legos"
• "ouch"
• "last time I saw him he was by a blueberry bush screaming"
• "buttshaft is a thing"
• "excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"
• "everywhere I go, I see the same..."
• "🎶I throw my hands up in the air sometimes🎶
  yes but how exactly do you throw your hands up?"
• "do you work for the government? because girl you shut it down ;) " (when the gov shut down)
• "💪➡🍗 "
• "i think someone has PR problems"
• "Someone said that you sounded like an owl. "

None of the captions had anything to do with the photos. My followers are often confused.

always with love, Bella Montague